


Extraction

by TwilaFrost



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Dildos, Doctor Sakusa Kiyoomi, Hospitals, How Do I Tag, M/M, No cucumbers were harmed in the making of this fic, Pro Volleyball Player Miya Atsumu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28728345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwilaFrost/pseuds/TwilaFrost
Summary: Sakusa Kiyoomi enjoys being a doctor. It's validating to know that his knowledge is worth something. However, there are a few times when even he doesn't understand something. One of those times is when he meets Miya Atsumu. The man who has a cucumber stuck in his ass.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 71
Kudos: 470
Collections: Explicit Oneshots, ~SakuAtsu~





	Extraction

**Author's Note:**

  * For [niawho](https://archiveofourown.org/users/niawho/gifts).



> Hello, and welcome. Yes that's right, this fic is about Atsumu shoving things up his ass. I need to re-evaluate all my life choices. Blame people on Twitter for this. But anyways.... I hope you enjoy this fic! 
> 
> Dedicated to niawho @bokutosayswhaat. It's there. Just as you've requested. I hope you enjoy <3 (And also May and Jordan)

Kiyoomi has been a licensed doctor now for three years. He’s well respected and enjoys his job at the hospital. Sure, working in the emergency room is exhausting, but there’s no short of interesting cases. With his training, Kiyoomi is prepared for just about everything, but there are some things even he fails to understand. He went through eight years of school and two years of residency to become a medical doctor. Never in his life did he think he’d be subjected to _this_. This being the image he’s currently looking at on the computer. 

“What the _fuck_ am I looking at?” he asks no one in particular. 

This captures Komori’s attention, and he pushes off the floor to wheel his chair over. He leans in to see the x-ray. “Is that a…” 

“Yes,” Kiyoomi says. He unfortunately actually _does_ know what he’s looking at. 

Komori bursts into laughter. “Oh my god!” he wipes a tear from his eye. “Is he trying to grow a garden up there?” 

He cackles again as Kiyoomi signs out with a long-suffering sigh. Time to go give the patient his “diagnosis.” _Yeah, no wonder you’re having abdominal pain, moron._

  
  
  


Kiyoomi gives a precursory knock before entering the exam room. 

“Oh, yer back! Ya find out what’s wrong with me?” The man, Miya Atsumu, sits in one of the chairs looking up at him with expectant eyes - like he doesn’t fucking _know_. 

Kiyoomi gives him an unimpressed look but tries to remain professional. “Yes. You have a cucumber lodged in your rectum.” _And maybe brain damage._ Why a twenty-five-year-old man inserts a cucumber up his ass is beyond him.

Miya drums his fingers on his thighs but doesn’t look particularly ashamed. “So are ya gonna take it out?”

“That’s the idea. First, how did it get up there?”

At this Miya’s eyes look everywhere but at Kiyoomi. _Ah, so he does have shame._

“I fell on it?” Not even the intern would believe that.

“Try again.”

“Ya ain’t gonna judge me, right Sakusa-sensei?” 

_Yes._ “Of course not.”

“Well, I was at my brother’s restaurant-” _Oh no._ “-and we kinda got into an argument about- well that’s not important, but there was this cucumber that he was gonna use to make sushi for his dinner and well…” He gestures vaguely. 

Kiyoomi sincerely hopes that he wasn’t planning on putting it back to let his brother consume his anal secretions. However, looking at the blonde menace, he has doubts. _Disgusting._

“Oh, what’s your brother’s restaurant?” Kiyoomi asks, pretending to be interested.

Miya perks up like a stupid golden retriever. “Oh! Onigiri Miya! He opened the branch here in Tokyo last summer. Have ya been?”

“No.” And he makes a mental note to never set foot into the establishment. “How long has the cucumber been stuck?”

“Umm… A few hours maybe?” 

“And what have you tried to get it out?”

Miya scratches his head and laughs nervously. _This is going to be good._ “Well, first I tried to reach it with my fingers, but I think I just shoved it up more. Then, I uh… Took some Miralax.”

Kiyoomi blinks. This guy really thought a laxative would help him shit out an entire cucumber. An osmotic laxative at that. No matter how much he takes, there is no softening a cucumber as it is not stool. So now he potentially is _literally_ full of shit. Great. Kiyoomi swears if a bunch of backed-up shit comes out after he removes this, someone is going to pay. 

“Take off your pants and lay on the exam table on your side.” At least he’s compliant. However, when he makes for the exam table with his underwear still on, Kiyoomi wants to scream. “You need to take those off too.”

“Oh. Uh…” Miya’s face flushes a soft pink. “Can ya look away?”

Kiyoomi quirks an eyebrow. Is this guy serious? “I’m going to have to look, Miya.”

“Right, right. If ya wanted me to take off my pants, ya should’ve just asked, Sakusa-sensei.” There’s more nervous laughter. A poor attempt at humor to cover up his mortification. 

“I did ask.” 

Miya clammers on while Kiyoomi washes his hands and pulls on a pair of blue nitrile gloves. Sometimes he really hates his job. He spreads Miya’s ass cheeks to check for any signs of bleeding or damage. Does Miya shave his asshole? Kiyoomi looks at the naked skin as he examines the area. _Why do I care?_ He asks himself. He doesn’t. Only that it means Miya most likely has good hygiene routines. There’s no damage, so he’s got that going for him. 

Kiyoomi grabs some lubrication for the digital exam. Hopefully, this cucumber is palpable. “I’m going to insert a finger now.” 

Miya makes a noise sounding somewhere between a confirmation and a strangled choke. Kiyoomi waits for Miya to settle himself before he inserts a finger. Carefully, he moves his finger to palpate the sphincter. It feels normal. Good. Then he searches for the damn cucumber. He finds it relatively shallow. That means he can do a transanal extraction. 

He removes his finger and his gloves before discarding them and washing his hands.

“I can remove it right here from your anus. I’ll give you some local anesthesia and remove it with forceps.”

Miya sits up and looks at him. “Sounds good. But uh, what do ya mean by local anesthesia?”

“I’ll inject some fentanyl in eight spots around your anus.”

Miya’s eyes bulge. “YOU’LL WHAT?!”

Kiyoomi only barely restrains himself from rolling his eyes. “It will relax your body for easier extraction.”

“But yer gonna put needles in my asshole?!”

“Around, but yes.”

“Oh, fuck.”

Kiyoomi reassures him that it’ll be fine, and yes doctors do this on several occasions (unfortunately). So he calls in a nurse for assistance, and of course, it’s Komori. His cousin is going to make fun of him after this. 

He gets Miya flat on his back with his feet in stirrups and a pillow under his hips. Kiyoomi can tell that he’s nervous, but he’s trying not to show it. And Kiyoomi would try to say something, but he’s not really the best with the whole comforting strangers thing. Thankfully, he can count on Komori to do that. 

After pulling on new gloves, he tapes Miya’s ass cheeks away from each other for better access. Even though Kiyoomi is a professional, he has to admit that Miya has a very nice ass. And he didn’t notice before, but now that he’s standing between Miya’s legs, he has a front-row view of his _thighs_. Jesus. This guy sure doesn’t miss leg day.

And no, those little sounds that Miya makes while Kiyoomi cleans the area and prepares the syringes _are_ definitely _not_ cute. Kiyoomi is a _professional_. 

“So Miya-kun, what do you do for a living?” Komori asks. 

“I play volleyball professionally,” Miya says, sounding proud.

And dammit. Kiyoomi has a thing for athletes. No wonder his fucking thighs are huge.

“Oh! Kiyoomi and I used to play in high school! What position do you play?”

“I’m startin’ setter for the Black Jackals!”

That’s a division 1 team. He must be really good. He’s been out of the loop on volleyball for a few years now, too busy with work, but now he kind of wants to watch a match. When Miya talks about having gone to the Olympics, Kiyoomi wills them to stop talking about sports. He can’t notice or find out any more things about Miya Atsumu. Kiyoomi is about to be in this man’s _ass._

Bringing his tray of syringes over, he sees Miya is notably more relaxed. Good. Kiyoomi lets him know that he’s starting. After injecting all eight syringes, he prods around the area.

“Can you feel that?”

“Nope.”

So he begins. While Kiyoomi maneuvers the forceps, Komori applies suprapubic pressure to help move the cucumber along. Once he grabs a hold of it, he gently pulls it out. And damn, that’s a big cucumber.

“Alright, it’s out.”

Komori helps Miya out of the stirrups and sit up. “Wow. I didn’t feel anythin’! Just some like weird pressure. Ya sure are a good doctor, Sakusa-sensei!” he has the audacity to send a gorgeous smile to him. 

Kiyoomi ignores the comment and cleans up. “Someone will be back to check up on you later.” 

“Ya mean ya ain’t gonna check on me yerself?” 

“I have other patients to attend to. Have a good evening, Miya.” He glances at the cucumber before heading out.

Komori chirps a goodbye and follows him out, trying to keep up with his swift pace. “Where are you running to, Kiyo?”

“I’m not running anywhere.”

“Sure are walking pretty fast. Is it because you had to remove a cucumber out of an attractive man’s ass?” Kiyoomi wants to smack that sly look off of Komori’s face.

“I’m too old for this,” he grumbles.

“You’re 29!”

  
  
  
  


That night, Kiyoomi definitely does not search up Miya Atsumu and watch a clip of him from the Olympics. And he most certainly does not think about how those thighs would feel wrapped around his waist. Or about the fact he stuck a cucumber the size of his forearm up his ass. 

Thank god he’ll never see him again.

  
  
  
  


It’s about a month later when Komori walks up to him with Kiyoomi’s least favorite smile. 

“Guess who’s here.” There are a number of people Kiyoomi does not want to see right now. Or ever. He just stares at Komori, waiting for him to answer. “You’re no fun. It’s Cucumber Boy! I just took him into an exam room.” Komori tries to keep himself from laughing.

_Oh no._ Since his encounter with Miya Atsumu, Kiyoomi has once again become a regular connoisseur of volleyball. And if he favors the Black Jackals, no one needs to know. And if he sometimes thinks about a certain bleach blonde setter late at night, _definitely_ no one needs to know.

Kiyoomi should have known better, really, but the chances of seeing Miya Atsumu again were so minuscule. The Black Jackals are based in Osaka, not Tokyo!

“What’s wrong with him this time?” 

A short burst of laughter escapes Komori before he stifles it again. “He wouldn’t say. Only said that he wanted Sakusa-sensei because he’s _familiar_ .” He chokes on another laugh. _Please tell me he didn’t_. “I can deduce the problem though. He can’t sit down properly, and he waddled all the way to the room.” _Fucking hell._ “Let me know when you need help with extraction!” He chirps before walking away.

  
  
  


This time when Kiyoomi enter’s Miya Atsumu’s room, the man looks highly flustered. The red blush on his cheeks extends all the way down his neck and a bead of sweat runs down his forehead. _You are a professional Kiyoomi._

“Sakusa-sensei! It won’t come out!” he says breathily. 

In the most deadpan voice, he says, “What is it this time, Miya?”

“A dildo.” Kiyoomi is almost surprised. “I was visitin’ a friend here in Tokyo, and I well..” he trails off and gets even redder. “I came here as soon as I knew it wasn’t comin’ out and- well. You’ll see.”

Kiyoomi does not like the sound of that. As soon as Miya drops his pants, Kiyoomi does, in fact, see. About 5 cm of something clear sticks out of Miya’s ass. Upon further inspection, it appears to be the tip of a dildo. Did this idiot stick a dildo up his ass backward? _Dear lord._

“Miya, did you stick this in backward?” he has to ask just to make sure.

Miya looks at him over his shoulder but quickly adverts his eyes. “No.”

Then what? Oh. _Oh._ Kiyoomi takes a moment to ask his next question. “Is this a double-ended dildo?”

“Yes.”

“Was your _friend_ using this other end?” 

“Ew gross, no! He’s my brother’s boyfriend!” 

Somehow knowing that makes Kiyoomi feel better. And it is _definitely_ because it means the end he has to pull from was not recently in someone’s ass. No other reason. But then his next thought is, why? Why use a double-ended dildo by himself? It’s not his business.

Kiyoomi examines the area and determines that, yes, the dildo is stuck thanks to the suction of the colon. Looks like he’ll need Komori’s help after all.

“Alright, Miya, you know the drill.”

  
  
  


Kiyoomi once again stands between Miya Atsumu’s legs. Komori is smirking at him, and Miya seems even more flustered for some reason. 

“Has this ever happened before the last time?” Komori asks. His cousin has no tact. Even though Kiyoomi is slightly curious. About what other unfortunate doctors had to deal with, of course.

“Well, I’ve never had to go to the ER for it before. I mean, even the figurine came out fine.” 

Kiyoomi looks up at that. Komori has turned his face away, biting his lip. _A figurine._

“Can I ask what the figurine was?” Komori asks once he’s composed. 

“Levi.”

“From Attack on Titan?” Miya nods. “Any particular reason why?”

“Levi’s hot, and I wanted him to fuck me. So I made it happen. Anythin’s a dildo if yer brave enough.”

Komori can’t hold back his laugh this time; but Miya laughs too, so Kiyoomi supposes it’s fine. And if there’s a tiny smile behind his mask, neither of them need to know.

Getting back to the task at hand, Kiyoomi has everything ready and starts the extraction. As he begins to slowly pull out the dildo, it just keeps coming. Now, Kiyoomi isn’t well versed in double-ended dildos, but this seems… unreal. He and Komori make subtle eye contact. His cousin’s eyes are wide in wonder. _What the fuck, Miya?_

Then he reaches what must be the middle because the veiny exterior turns into anal beads. And it just keeps coming. The size doesn’t even taper down. No, it’s one consistent size of what must be at least 4 cm. _Fucking hell_. How much can his ass take? _Kiyoomi, do not think about that._

Finally, the last bit comes out. Kiyoomi looks at the entire thing. It _has_ to be at least 45 cm. Then he looks at Miya, still hiked up in the stirrups. Kiyoomi doesn’t know what to think - he probably shouldn’t. That is a dangerous road. 

“I’ll just bag this up for you,” Komori says once Miya is decent. 

“Oh. Uh. Thanks.” Komori smiles at him and leaves the room. 

Kiyoomi assures himself that he’s being a good doctor when he asks, “Why did you stick an entire 45 cm double-ended dildo up your rectum?” _A clear, anal beaded, double-ended, 45 cm dildo._

He blushes. “Well, ya see… I was curious ‘bout how much I could take. And then I kinda got distracted…” How the fuck do you get distracted with a dildo up your ass? Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow, waiting. “I remembered that I was in Tokyo. And yer in Tokyo. And yer really hot. And oh my god I actually just said that out loud.” Miya stares somewhere into the distance looking particularly traumatized. 

Kiyoomi smirks behind his mask. Okay, he’s kind of endearing. In a weird, stupid kind of way. And Kiyoomi would be a huge hypocrite if he judges him for that. Because there have been very few pure thoughts about Miya Atsumu in the past month. However, he can’t ask a patient out for dinner. Especially not one he just dug in the ass of.

“It’s alright, Miya.”

“Sakusa-sensei, I know this is totally weird, but I’m not the most tactful person. Hell, I’ve humiliated myself in front of ya twice now. I want to get to know ya better on a… less personal level. I’m in Tokyo for the weekend. Is there any chance ya’d like to get dinner with me?”

Kiyoomi is honestly impressed that Miya had the nerve to ask him after what has transpired in this room. He looks Miya up and down and takes in his hopeful eyes and soft expression. 

“My shift ends at 6:30 on Saturday evening.” He takes a notepad and pen from his whitecoat pocket. After writing down his contact information, he hands the paper to Miya. “So if you have any questions, I’ll be available after then.” 

Miya’s smile is radiant, and he looks at Kiyoomi like he just gave him something precious as he clutches the paper to his chest. _Cute._

“Can I call ya Omi-kun on Saturday too?”

Kiyoomi feels a tiny flutter in his chest at the ridiculous nickname. “Absolutely not.” 

Miya pouts dramatically, sticking out his bottom lip. “But I’ll see ya then won’t I?”

Kiyoomi meaningfully looks at the paper he gave him. “If you have questions.” He turns to leave and looks over his shoulder to say, “I hope I never see you in my ER again.”

Miya squawks indignantly as Kiyoomi exits. 

Chuckling to himself he smiles. It seems he has a date Saturday night. 

**Author's Note:**

> @TwilaWrites on Twitter


End file.
